The moment I found out that the love of my life had gone to be with the Lord I was devastated beyond description and I had absolutely no idea how I was going to cope for a moment longer!
You see,Dion and I met each other when I was at the ripe old age of six weeks old and from that moment on we were inseparable! As toddlers we would always either be holding hands or have our arms around each other and we were like that right through our childhood! Never once did we have even a disagreement let alone an argument through our entire childhood and teens.
As I am an only child Dion took on the role of my Hero and Knight in shining armour and as we grew up, Dion in his self appointed role as my protector took a lot of beatings for me even after I ran away from home when he was able ,he would protect me from my abuser despite the fact that Dion was only half his size!
Then..Through no fault of our own we were separated when I was 16 and Dion 17!
We had contact only once for the next 13yrs and after 3 of those years searching for him I found him in Taumaranui, a small rural town in the centre of the North Island!
The next day he came over and he asked me to marry him 2wks later!
Dion was brutally raped twice at the age of 18 and consequently suffered from severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder! This, mixed with no knowledge of how a normal family was meant to function we embarked on our marriage. Our marriage was as far from normal as you can get and definitely NOT ordinary,
Neither of us had experienced a normal family yet we both knew abuse is NOT ok so we made a pact that none of our children would ever experience abuse from either of us and I can honestly and happily report that not one of them did!
It was EXTREMELY difficult, don't get me wrong, I am not going to even try and kid you by painting a beautiful picture of true marital bliss cos that would just be plain stupid and a lie! The only way of resolving conflict that either of us knew was with violence and abuse BUT we both worked extremely hard to find other better and more productive ways of communication!
Unfortunately this type of background coupled with severe PTSD can be a lethal cocktail and there were times in the first few years that Dion got so sick that he would lash out with his fists and his tongue(thankfully only once in front of the children) and then when he started feeling better guilt at what he had done would nearly consume him.
Then,about 5yrs before he died, at a time when he was very sick Dion's grandmother who he adored died and it sent him into a tail-spin!
Four days later he realized that he just couldn't cope and asked his mental health worker for help! Unfortunately that much needed help was not forthcoming and he ended up lashing out at me while I was holding our precious 8mth baby girl who Dion adored! when he realized what he had done he was absolutely devastated and immediately decided to get help for his anger!
Despite the fact that it was extremely difficult for him to control his emotions when he was sick he managed to not lash out again physically!
Now...despite how it sounds Dion loved and adored the children and I more than life itself and worked VERY hard to be the best that he could be so that our children didn't have the life that he and I did, the main problem with this being that parenting was like walking trough a tunnel with no light as we had no idea what was normal and what was not, the only thing we had to go on was instinct, if we wouldn't like it we decided that our children probably wouldn't so we tried our best to live by that!
The type of love that you develop from the kind of childhood that I have described to you is rooted so deep that words can't even begin to express so to say that I was devastated when I found out that my precious Dion had died will never sufficiantly explain how I felt.....!
You see,Dion and I met each other when I was at the ripe old age of six weeks old and from that moment on we were inseparable! As toddlers we would always either be holding hands or have our arms around each other and we were like that right through our childhood! Never once did we have even a disagreement let alone an argument through our entire childhood and teens.
As I am an only child Dion took on the role of my Hero and Knight in shining armour and as we grew up, Dion in his self appointed role as my protector took a lot of beatings for me even after I ran away from home when he was able ,he would protect me from my abuser despite the fact that Dion was only half his size!
Then..Through no fault of our own we were separated when I was 16 and Dion 17!
We had contact only once for the next 13yrs and after 3 of those years searching for him I found him in Taumaranui, a small rural town in the centre of the North Island!
The next day he came over and he asked me to marry him 2wks later!
Dion was brutally raped twice at the age of 18 and consequently suffered from severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder! This, mixed with no knowledge of how a normal family was meant to function we embarked on our marriage. Our marriage was as far from normal as you can get and definitely NOT ordinary,
Neither of us had experienced a normal family yet we both knew abuse is NOT ok so we made a pact that none of our children would ever experience abuse from either of us and I can honestly and happily report that not one of them did!
It was EXTREMELY difficult, don't get me wrong, I am not going to even try and kid you by painting a beautiful picture of true marital bliss cos that would just be plain stupid and a lie! The only way of resolving conflict that either of us knew was with violence and abuse BUT we both worked extremely hard to find other better and more productive ways of communication!
Unfortunately this type of background coupled with severe PTSD can be a lethal cocktail and there were times in the first few years that Dion got so sick that he would lash out with his fists and his tongue(thankfully only once in front of the children) and then when he started feeling better guilt at what he had done would nearly consume him.
Then,about 5yrs before he died, at a time when he was very sick Dion's grandmother who he adored died and it sent him into a tail-spin!
Four days later he realized that he just couldn't cope and asked his mental health worker for help! Unfortunately that much needed help was not forthcoming and he ended up lashing out at me while I was holding our precious 8mth baby girl who Dion adored! when he realized what he had done he was absolutely devastated and immediately decided to get help for his anger!
Despite the fact that it was extremely difficult for him to control his emotions when he was sick he managed to not lash out again physically!
Now...despite how it sounds Dion loved and adored the children and I more than life itself and worked VERY hard to be the best that he could be so that our children didn't have the life that he and I did, the main problem with this being that parenting was like walking trough a tunnel with no light as we had no idea what was normal and what was not, the only thing we had to go on was instinct, if we wouldn't like it we decided that our children probably wouldn't so we tried our best to live by that!
The type of love that you develop from the kind of childhood that I have described to you is rooted so deep that words can't even begin to express so to say that I was devastated when I found out that my precious Dion had died will never sufficiantly explain how I felt.....!