MALE RAPE - THE SILENT KILLER
Within our society, men and boys suffer appalling sexual assaults, rape and humiliations, but rarely do they cry out for help. Male rape even in today's society is a taboo subject and there are huge prejudices and myths surrounding it! Because of this males that have been subjected to this devastating crime have such huge feelings of shame, and will often be as desperate to keep it a secret as their attacker is.
Confusion, depression and a sense of inescapable isolation are common (and normal) reactions along with great confusion about their sexuality. In a twist that doesn't occur in female rape, sometimes the perpetrator of male rape ( the perpetrator being male or female is irrelevant) will arouse his victim sexually, leading him to ejaculation. This is a deliberate situation that the perpetrator uses to control their victim which leaves him totally confused as to his role in the rape (did he in fact contribute, by becoming aroused?).
The majority of men (if not all) do not understand that when a man is put in a traumatic situation whether he is faced by violence, a flood, fire, earthquake or rape his body with make him erect and there is NOTHING that the male can do to stop it, it is just a bodily function, it DOESN'T mean he is gay or that he wanted it to happen, or that it isn't considered rape or anything like that it just means that his body reacted to trauma. These emotions and confusion can wreck a man's life!
The effects of sexual abuse on men are in many ways similar to those on women, but there is the added issues of sexuality ( am I gay because I got an erection, was I chosen because I look, sound, act gay etc) if the rape was performed by a male. The way that society treats males who have been raped sadly is markedly different to the way it treats females.
Men are seen as strong and capable of defending themselves and those that they care about, so when rape occurs feelings of shame, guilt, bewilderment, confusion, disbelief and confusion over sexual orientation often lead to a change of self-esteem and behaviour. More often than not men feel unable to express their anger and rage at what has happened to them and turn it in on themselves or unwittingly take it out on their loved ones or those around them.
IMPORTANT NOTE:
It is EXTREMELY important to understand that co-operation DOES NOT mean consent. Sometimes co-operation with a rapist or abuser is essential to survive the situation. Most men unfortunately find it easier to blame themselves than accept that they were over-powered and raped, in spite of possibly being tricked or manipulated into trusting,being drugged or being forced with violence. He may even sometimes find himself having feelings of attachment for,his attacker this is NOT a reaction that indicates anything other than trauma.
The only way that there is going to be any type of change in society's (and the victims) attitudes towards male rape is by openly and honestly discussing it, informing both society and the victims about it and to stop victimizing the victims further by believing the ridiculous myths that we have about males being raped! Rape and Sexual Assault on females AND males are not about sex or a sexual relationship. They are serious crimes about power, control, humiliation and domination. With this in mind I have decided to add a list of myths and the actual facts below:
Myth: Men can't be sexually assaulted.
Reality: Men are sexually assaulted. Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance or sexual orientation.
Myth: Only gay men are sexually assaulted.
Reality: Heterosexual, gay and bisexual men are equally likely to be sexually assaulted. Being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with your current or future sexual orientation. Your sexuality has no more to do with being raped than being robbed. There is no evidence that men are "turned gay" by being raped or sexually assaulted in their childhood or teens.
Myth: Only gay men sexually assault other men.
Reality:Most men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality -- that sexual assault is about violence, anger, and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction.
Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women.
Reality: Although the majority of perpetrators are male, men are also sexually assaulted by women. Many men who have found themselves in this situation find it particularly difficult to come forward for support. Men of any sexual orientation can be sexually assaulted against their will by women and by other men of any sexual orientation. This stems from the statement in the previous myth, that rape and sexual assault is about power, domination and control; the gender and sexual orientation of the victim is of incidental interest to the perpetrator.
Myth: Erection or ejaculation during a sexual assault means you "really wanted it" or consented to it.
Reality: Erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that may result from mere physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply that you wanted or enjoyed the assault and do not indicate anything about your sexual orientation. Some rapists are aware how erection and ejaculation can confuse a victim of sexual assault -- this motivates them to manipulate their victims to the point of erection or ejaculation to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the crime.
Childhood Sexual Abuse
Being both mentally and physically strong is something that society seems to expect of males from a very early age. Some young men will feel that they should be able to physically protect themselves and, when they cannot, they find this hard to accept. Many boys, like all children, find it hard to ask for help when abuse is happening. As they grow up they find it even harder to ask for help. Many boys do not report acts of sexual violence because they see this as a sign of weakness. By accepting that the abuse was not your fault it can only help to shift the feelings of guilt and shame, putting them where they belong, on the perpetrator.
Please don't suffer in silence
New Zealand is unfortunately in desperate need of more recognized resources for male victims of sexual assault (childhood, teen or adult) There are telephone helplines and counseling services offering free and confidential support but most are not specifically for men who have been raped, sexually assaulted or abused. Most of these services however are staffed by specially trained male and female volunteers who will offer a listening ear and give general practical information and advice on medical, legal and police matters. If you are a male victim of this horrendous crime, a family member who wants to find out how they can help their loved one or just someone that wants info about male sexual assault so they can educate themselves then I urge you to contact The Male Survivors Of Sexual Abuse Trust.
I have personally worked closely with them and I recommend them highly! They are amazing people and amazingly supportive, and non-judgmental!
Visit their website at http://www.survivor.org.nz/MSSAT/Home.html
or e-mail them at [email protected]
It is also extremely important to note that some survivors do develop PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) so if you suspect that you or a loved one may have PTSD PLEASE take the time to read my page (also on this website) on it!
And again, PLEASE don't suffer in silence!